#18 - KeeseĪ holdover from BOTW these bat-shaped enemies are pretty ho-hum standard, aside from the added bonuses their corpses give this time around. Their cuteness is counterbalanced by their annoyingness, and combat with them is the gameplay equivalent of Fruit Stripe gum: seemingly sweet but immediately flavorless. Then they launch their dumb faces at you like idiot Scud missiles. When you try to hit them, they scoot backward for what seems like 40 miles, resulting in the slowest and least exciting chase sequence of all time. The abandoned children of the big bad Froxes, these cute little fuckers wobble up to you on excited puppy legs. I feel no guilt killing these pieces of shit. The rock-type octos on Goron Mountain can suck in your weapons and repair them, which is neat, but that does require spending any small amount of time in their presence, and is therefore too disgusting to recommend. Have you ever tried to climb a surface, solve a Korok puzzle, or walk five feet in any direction without being thwacked in the face by a kidney stone spat from one of these little bastard’s lipless maws? Though they do drop the helpful Octo Balloon items, which are great for shield-fusing to give you some extra lift now that Revali’s Gale is MIA, in terms of gameplay they are annoying as fuck. I may be biased, but these little fuckers can rot in the sulfurous turd mines from whence they came. (For reference, this will exclude overworld bosses and story bosses, focusing solely on basic enemy types you’ll encounter during your wild and unhinged ramblings.) Here is the definitive and in no way arbitrary ranking of all basic enemy types in TOTK based on how much fun I have murdering them for nothing but their parts. Breath of the Wild was similarly expansive, but TOTK is superior in terms of its enemy variety and diversity. It’s so easy to get lost in the game’s delicious nooks and crannies that you might forget to bathe, go to work, or feed your skinks and cobras. The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom is a masterpiece of time-suckery.
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